Seven months

Seven months into my life as a graduate and the inevitable happens, the conversation you dread the most;

"So...when are you going to get a proper job?"

The pit of your stomach curdles when you hear those uneasy words, everything else in the room disappears except for you and the questioner; my Mother. Like a Stasi interrogation it's a battle; reveal enough information to survive but withhold the most crucial.  

To be fair to my mother; what she actually said was:

"So I thought you said that when you got this new job you'd have time to look for a proper one..."

So yes, it was ultimately my words which prompted this conversation and as conversations go it wasn't that awful. Although I did speak hurriedly and was quick to bring the conversation to an end. However, as I sit here writing this I can't actually remember what it was that I said. I think words like 'un-paid internship' or 'volunteer scheme' were involved and something along the lines of me needing to keep my part-time job in order to do these sorts of things was said.  

Somewhere deep inside I knew the time would come for this type of conversation and I didn't really answer the question just avoided it with style I'd say. When the equivalent happens to you I hope that you deal with it much better than I did. If you've been applying to jobs and researching then you'll be prepared in your answer, in my case...well...it was not the case.

I have to admit that recently a mixture of complacency and apathy has washed over me, finding myself in a retail job that I don't despise as much my previous one leads me to become almost content in my situation. Then I become aware that I don't even work full-time (which is why my reading levels have increased  in order to counter my lack of productivity and mental stimulation) thereby prompting previously discussed questions from The Parents. The apathy comes from perusing various job websites and gearing up to apply to these vacancies only to talk myself out of it. Telling myself that I won't get it and there isn't any point in applying. 

That's not really a way to behave. Nor is it a good mindset to have in this situation. Especially because I believe that you can learn much more from your failures than successes. So I'm gonna start trying again. Make an effort. 

Have you had similar problems, or am I the only one?