It's funny how easy it is to get back into that same state of mind that you were trying to get away from. However, I think this might possibly just be my own cynical mentality. Going away did a great deal of good for me, I managed to figure out what it was that I wanted (to an extent) and come back with the tenacity to accomplish it.
...This lasted about a week as 'what I wanted' required me finding a job. And not just any job! A well-paying job that I could maybe, even, possibly...enjoy.
That's not to say I didn't enjoy my time working at the bookstore, I even went in the day I came back to see what the situation was and whether I could work there again. But as a wizened friend and colleague said "even though I'm working somewhere that allows me to use my own knowledge and love for literature, for every one person who appreciates my help there's going to be at least two who consider me to be just someone at a checkout. And I don't want that, not anymore."
Inevitably, however, I find myself regretting turning down an offer to go back to work despite knowing that I have made the right decision. I just have to convince myself wholeheartedly that this is the correct path rather than getting scared and running back to a job that will provide me with security but no satisfaction.
It's funny how a year can go by and despite having done so much you are still in the exact same spot as before.
I'll figure it out eventually and I'm sure you'll be the first to know.
Aw I've just seen this :) chin up beautyface, everything's going to be fine! x
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